MAHYUE ARTIST JOURNAL

My inner child healing journey that began in 2019. I had reached a plateau in my artist practice and was falling out of love with not just painting but creating as a whole. My studio became a solace for the validation and expectations of others. I was in a deep depression that set the tone for several existential crises. I felt like a stranger in my mind, body, and soul and was disconnected from the majority of my paintings. But one day, I stopped and wondered about the few paintings that I did connect with. These paintings had intricate doodles that resemble a small girl wearing a dress, fun balloons and cloud like shapes, and dream-like structures and lines that never really make sense to me. But I did remember that I actually enjoyed creating those paintings, despite them not being the most received by my audience at the time.

I didn’t know it then, but I was about to embark on my healing journey for the next 5 years and counting. I would soon learn the reason why I felt so connected to those paintings. They all had glimpses of myself hidden underneath the surface - my peculiar quirks, eccentric expressions, and whimsical themes - the same parts that I actively tried to push away since childhood.

I was sure of one thing though, I no longer wanted to tell the stories of others or the stories that I believed others wanted to hear. I wanted to tell my own story. I wanted to be free and honest in my art. Most importantly, I finally wanted to reconnect with my inner-child Mahyue (yes, I named her lol) and remember who she is, who I am. And I haven’t looked back since.